just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
