I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
