I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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