oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
