I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
