This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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