My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
