hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
