those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
