guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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