If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
