It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
