my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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