I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
