i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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