I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize