I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
