her vagine was all disorganized.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
