you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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