cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize