I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
