he was CRYING into my vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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