I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
