Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
