Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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