Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
