R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
someone owes me an orgasm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
