Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
