my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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