a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
