His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
