first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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