Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
