After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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