the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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