I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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