even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize