how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
