He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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