I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
