SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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