if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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