If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
