be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
