I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
