My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I just sharted jello shots
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