We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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