i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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