I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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