help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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