I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
