no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
