I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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