You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
