they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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