We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Soap is not a condiment
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
