I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize