Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
