Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
