My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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