Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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